If you follow my weekly writings, you know I am on an agreement kick after I recently started reading The Four Agreements for the, well, who knows how many times this will be. 

We’re onto the third agreement this week – don’t make assumptions. 

Here is a great quote to get things started by Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements:

“The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We could swear they are real. We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking — we take it personally — then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word. That is why whenever we make assumptions, we’re asking for problems. We make an assumption, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing.”

In addition to these words of wisdom, we often assume that our partners, friends, family, and other human beings know what we think, and in turn, we don’t have to say what we want. Instead, we assume that they will do what we want them to do. 

We do this all the time, but when you read it and say it aloud, it’s like, “What the heck?! How could they read my mind!?” 

As a result, we can’t just assume the people we love (or any person) know what we are thinking. So what do we do? Tell them! Share your needs, values, boundaries, dreams, and desires. Don’t assume that they know you love them; appreciate them. Don’t assume that they know you’re having a bad day or have something on your mind; tell them. And in addition to sharing versus making assumptions, inquire about theirs. 

Side note: there is a book that I have mentioned before called The Five Love Languages. It’s a good one to check out if you’re seeking to understand your love language and the love languages of your partner, family or friends. This can be helpful in your journey of not making assumptions. 

As you go into the week, be aware of how often you make assumptions. Don’t judge yourself, but instead, stop and be aware. Then work towards the alternative – share how you’re feeling and ask the person how they feel. This stuff works! 

I am here if you want to talk.

Life is good.


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